I guess the cocktail, i got is starting to work or I just feel numb, During my partial day program, eventhough I should be paying closer attention, I find myself doing alot of thinking on ways to better myself.

I want to get better and be happy. I want to live in the moment and not in the past. I want to be Mindfulness…

I will now stop and take a moment to process my day. I feel like i may just beat this monster.



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Day One

So I was finally put on seroquel xr, I took it yesterday for the first time,24hrs later and I have yet to leave my room. I’ve been sleeping most of the time and I really don’t like this feeling. I think the dosage is entirely to strong for me, so this is something I shall take up with my psych on Monday.

Since I’m new to blogging I will just wing my way through it all. So being Bi-polar totally sucks, admitting you have an illness sucks even more and writing about it gives me a real raw and expose feeling but the hell with here goes….

So I guess I should give you some background info on me. I’m 37yrs old mother of 3, I have two teen children and one young adult. I live in the most amazing place in Northern California but been to ill to even enjoy it. I’ve only been in California two years, I’m from NYC. How I miss it.

Okay so I drifted, lol I’m back. When it dawned on me I should write a blog for the hundredth time, it seemed like I had so much to say but now I’m lost for words. So I guess this is one of those things that comes along with this illness.  

So now that I have finally admitted to myself that I’m sick and really need help, I signed up to a Behavioral partial day program. My thoughts on this is, I like the concept but they really can use more funding to live in up the place, because it’s pretty depressing. So with the fact that I’m attending this depressing place, I got the weather to also add to my melancholy mood. Since I live in Northern California, there is fog and more fog. So I have forgotten what it feels like to have a sunny day.

I’m totally emo “all the time” everyone tells me it will get better. I want to believe them but my feelings tell me otherwise. 

So now I will resume to watching my netflix until the words come to me and are able to pour out of me like a rushing river. For now my thoughts and feeling are trapped in my head, where they do a number on my emotions and rob me of feeling good.

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